Monday, July 04, 2005

Being Lectured To By Bono's Sunglasses

Over the weekend, I caught a digest of the Live 8 performances on ABC. The simultaneous concerts staged by Bob Geldoff (the guy who shaves off his eyebrows in the film version of Pink Floyd's "The Wall") were supposed to raise an awareness of the poverty epidemic in Africa. While bringing awareness of the horrific proportions of the hunger and disease crises in Africa to the general public is a noble goal, there were a few problems. First of all, they are calling upon the member states of the upcoming G8 summits to pour aid into Africa without any notable statement talking about the necessity of building industrial infrastructure and reforming corrupt governments; the chief needs that must be addressed to eradicate these evils in Africa once and for all. Secondly, a cost benefit analysis of whether the money that went to stage the events might be better spent directly on the Afircan charities that these millionaire rock stars are urging the G8 countries to support. Of course, all the talk about "democracy" and the "democratic will" to pour aid into Africa precludes the notion that most folks in America (and I suspect most of the Westen World) give less of a shit about people starving millions of miles away then the price of healthcare, starvation, and unemployment at home. But if you disagreed with Madonna and Pink Floyd (charitably exhumed and reunited) you don't care and are probably a racist fascist pig. So, to quote someone unfairly percieved as such:

"Among helpful and charitable men one finds almost regularly that crude hypocrisy which first prepares the person who should be helped, as if, for example, he "earns" help, wants precisely their help, and would show himself deeply thankful, devoted, and obsequious to them for all their help. With these fantasies they dispose of the needy as if they were property, as if they were charitable and helpful people out of a demand for property. One finds them jealous if one crosses them or anticipates them in their helping."

-Neitzsche, "Beyond Good and Evil" (194)
trans. Ian Johnston

Monday, June 27, 2005

And the Hits Just Keep On Coming

I really hate devoting so much time and space to such a boring subject as Supreme Court decisions, but the Supreme Court has been taking such incredibly large shits on the Constitution that I'm beginning to smell it all the way in New York. Because Monday was the end of the Supreme Court's session for this year, they've practically given themselves an enema with the amount of poop they've flung at us. Let's review some of these decisions briefly:

1) The Ten Commandments are allowed on government property but not in courthouses. Excuse my amateurishly naive legal mind, but either separation of church and state exists, or it doesn't. You can't forbid displaying a cross in a building but permit burning one on the front lawn. The Ten Commandments make the same statement anyway, indoors or outdoors. Verdict is too wishy-washy.

2) (AP) - WASHINGTON-Internet file-sharing services will be held responsible if they intend for their customers to use software primarily to swap songs and movies illegally, the Supreme Court ruled Monday, rejecting warnings that the lawsuits will stunt growth of cool tech gadgets such as the next iPod. This is a rejection of all precedents- the lawsuits of the movie companies when the Betamax came out, the musicians union when the Jukebox was put on the market, the recording industry against- well the ability to record at home were all resolved in favor of whatever the emerging technology happened to be. Hell, even though I think that the blatant copying of IBM's technology by Compaq et al. and of Xerox technology by Apple and Microsoft was wrong, there is no question that the PC industry as we know it today would not have emerged as quickly and vibrantly as it did.

3) The Supreme Court refused to hear the appeals of reporters Matthew Cooper of Time and Judith Miller of the New York Times for refusing to reveal their source in an investigation of the outing of CIA Agent Valerie Plame (first outed in a column by the nasally annoying Robert Novack). Thing is, they weren't the ones who broke the story and one didn't even publish the research that he did. They face 18 months in Jail, but guess what: Bye bye anonymous news sources to break the next Watergate. You can be sure that the next Deep Throat will suddenly find himself with laringitis.

Thanks for all the hard work, Judicial Legislators !!!


Friday, June 24, 2005

Government Seizures of Private Land.

Via Instapundit

This is terrifying. This site details some of the evictions that are happening across the country to make way for theme parks and the like. Entire neighborhoods have been razed. Churches are being plowed over. If you're one of the two people who read my blog, please make everyone you know aware of what the ramifications of the Supreme Court's New London Decision are. This is the way the worst kind of tyranny is initiated- not through racism or religious bigotry, but through the exponential perniciousness of social planning by politicians on a power trip and the greedy men (often the very politicians themselves) who seek to profit from the displacement of the Little Guy. Whether you are Liberal or Conservative, Republican or Democrat, politically conscious or generally indifferent, our best interests demand our combined strength to stall a potential avalanche of abuse.

Let's get cracking while we still can.

The Aristocrats

It baffles me that yesterday's Supreme Court assault on the little guy and private property is not trumpteted as the chief headline of every newspaper in America.

Anyway, there's a movie opening on July 29th in New York and L.A. (and sometime in August in places that matter less) called "The Aristocrats". Penn Jillette (from Penn and Teller) and comedian Paul Provenza have filmed 100 stand-up comics (and the kids from Southpark, a clip which can be found here) telling the same joke. I won't give it away, but if the South Park clip is any indication of the general tone of the movie (and I've seen a bunch of reviewers go nuts about it), it promises to be a funfest of glorious obscenity. Check out the clip and see what I mean).

Gilbert Gottfried, the only funny thing about the Hugh Hefner Roast on Comedy Central, told the joke but it got edited out of the rerruns of the event. It's supposed to be an old vaudeville hand-me-down, and was an in-joke for comedians until Gottfried spewed a hilariously filthy version of it, causing the Audience to gasp but his fellow comics to collapse laughing. If you have access to the original broadcast of the Roast, I suggest you watch Gottfried's segment. If you don't, the segment is going to be included in "The Aristocrats".

Thursday, June 23, 2005

The Supreme Court Rules Against Owning Stuff

The Supreme Court has decided that the town of New London, CT has a perfect right to kick citizens out of their homes to make way for an office park that will stimulate the local economy. The novelty of this decision is twofold:
1) That the right of eminent Domain (the government's power to force citizens to sell property that will then be used for roads, water, electricity, railroads etc.) extends beyond public works to anything which a municipality deems will assist the citizens (in this case "economic development").
2) That a local municipality has an unconscionable power to do so.

The 5th amendment of the Constitution (if the lettering hasn't been worn out by repeated recent tramplings) reads: nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Very good. But it just so happens that BUILDING AN OFFICE PARK IS A PRIVATE ENTERPRISE. According to the Supreme Court's interpretation of "public use" the following would be perfectly acceptable: The ruling party of any municipality can decide that members of the other party are driving the local economy to ruin, and should be displaced so that their land could be used for, I don't know, say Party Headquarters? I hope you folks know European History real good, because that's exactly where this decision is taking us.

And now, the logic (I say logic when I mean the smegma that certain bastards have spread over our rights as an example of modern art) behind the decision:

"Those who govern the City were not confronted with the need to remove blight in the Fort Trumbull area, but their determination that the area was sufficiently distressed to justify a program of economic rejuvenation is entitled to our deference." says Justice Stevens.

But since when does economic rejuvenation via private enterprise have anything to do with the government to seize the means necessary to pursue such a development ?

"The disposition of this case therefore turns on the question whether the City's development plan serves a "public purpose."

No, it doesn't. Fuck precedent. My having a lawn jockey with a giant codpiece does not give the government any right to seize my property or my lawn jockey simply because it feels that it diverts traffic from the local gas station.

This decision deserved to be slammed like Paris Hilton after a night of drinking and drugs. For such delicacy, check out Professor Bainbridge's excellent survey of a deserved intellectual gangbang. And hey, when it comes to Leviathan, there's more than enough to go around.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Why I have Not Updated

So I gets this message today from my good buddy Plotless Violence saying "update your damn blog so we know you're still alive". So I reply "But Plotless you eat multicolored crayons so you can draw that shitty webcomic of yours with turds" and then he says "this is true, but I've received several death threats stating that if you don't update your blog, I'll be threatened with death". I am proud to have so many dedicated fans, and I apologize for my absence. Why haven't I updated ? BECAUSE I FORGOT MY USERNAME AND PASSWORD. No fooling. But now that I have new ones, you can expect updates fairly regularly. Why? Because I've been eating lots of fiber so that I can be regular.

My sense of humor is now going into room 101 for re-education. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Bittorrent Evolves !

Slashdot ala Wired reports that Bram Cohen, the inventor of Bittorrent, has announced a Google-type search engine that will scour the web for torrents, rendering a great service to file sharers everywhere. It's just another example of the Cosmos reorganizing itself to subvert the RIAA and steal money from artists (Vivendi anti-trust settlement, ahem). Meanwhile, a short Danish drummer is thinking about suing gravity for the downward pull that has led Metallica to ultimate pussification.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Review: Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

So, yesterday, I stood 45 minutes in the rain with some young scamps who were smoking weed to catch Star Wars. I owed my endurance to the cherished hope that George Lucas (or G-Lu as I call him) would redeem his first two theme-park toddler rides with a bloodbath of violence and destruction. This film only satisfied half of my bloodlust.

Returning as both director and scriptwriter is George Lucas, and every bit of dialogue sounds like the writing of herpes infested monkeys smoking crack and watching Daytime Emmie acceptance speeches. There's a rumor going around that Tom Stoppard was brought in to do some uncredited writing. While I do have a sheaf of witty lines to use, I'll let Tommy Boy live with the secret of shame that only he knows.

Natalie Portman, a rich and spoiled suburbanite, reprises her stretch of a role as Queen Amidalah. Hayden "I Couldn't Tell You About Acting If It Took A Steaming Shit On My Face" Christensen is back as the troubled Annakin Skywalker. Samuel L. Jackson and Ewan MacGregor intone their foul lines with such mechanical reverence, you could smell Jesus' blood on the teleprompter. The only redeeming actor is the dude who plays the Emperor, he's so evil and evilish it just makes my skin crawl with lollipops.

The movie starts off with lots of violence, and G-Lu- to his credit, keeps the drama to-the-point with lots of lightsaber hacking and space battles. The special effects resound with color and life and G-Lu even throws some new tricks in (check out that Lava Scene at the end of the flick).

Plot spoilers: The basic plot- Jedis are not supposed to have kids, but since Annakin and Queenie are secretly married and exchange bodily fluids, Mommy has some new mistakes!.Fortunately for the almost-incestuous couple in Queenie's womb, Obi-Wan hasn't taught Annakin the abortion mind trick he learned from Darth Pimpious on Planet Atlantic City. Annakin has dreams about Queenie dying, and Palpatine uses that to lure Annakin over to the Dark Side. I won't bother to discuss further details- except for the political ones.

There's lots of stupid dialogue about "Democracy" with Padme intoning, as the Senate applauds Chancellor Palpatine's ascension to Emperor, something about "Democracy ending with cheers" or some crap. Really, QUEEN Amidilah ? I supposed you'll have to dole out more funding to Jar-Jar Binks' community initiatives if you expect to win the next election.

This is confusing.......I've never seen any popular elections taking place in any of the video games or Books or Fan Fiction or Comics or Action Figures in the Star Wars Universe? And why is she bitching like a robot about a DEMOCRACY failing, when the REPUBLIC has turned into an EMPIRE.

This is what will happen to you
if Bush gets his hands on Social Security

A.O. Scott from the New York Times , however, explains what's really going on:

"This is how liberty dies - to thunderous applause," Padmé observes as senators, their fears and dreams of glory deftly manipulated by Palpatine, vote to give him sweeping new powers. "Revenge of the Sith" is about how a republic dismantles its own democratic principles, about how politics becomes militarized, about how a Manichaean ideology undermines the rational exercise of power. Mr. Lucas is clearly jabbing his light saber in the direction of some real-world political leaders. At one point, Darth Vader, already deep in the thrall of the dark side and echoing the words of George W. Bush, hisses at Obi-Wan, "If you're not with me, you're my enemy." Obi-Wan's response is likely to surface as a bumper sticker during the next election campaign: "Only a Sith thinks in absolutes." You may applaud this editorializing, or you may find it overwrought, but give Mr. Lucas his due. For decades he has been blamed (unjustly) for helping to lead American movies away from their early-70's engagement with political matters, and he deserves credit for trying to bring them back.

Let's all sit down with A.O Scott while he lets a dyslexic furby in a potato sack lecture us with his magic glowstick on why the war in Iraq was wrong. The "Manichean Ideology" belongs just as much to the Jedi as to Palpatine. Supposing someone, Dan Rather for instance, had a document that proved you were a Sith Lord- only that document was forged.

Give Mr. Lucas and Mr. AsshOle Scott from the New York Times- and anyone else who tries to turn some CGI space battles into a political clusterfuck their due: They have all the political consciousness and brilliance of Jar-Jar Binks.

Next up, Lamb Chop and Charlie Horse talk about geopolitics and what it's like to have Shari Lewis' hand up your ass.

Welcome to the Fun!

People are always saying too me "Brother StuRat, you have so many brilliant things to say that are lost in the ephemerality of daily conversation. You should find some medium of preserving them and transmitting them to the masses". Of course, like the Ebola virus, I'm always willing to share, so I etched out my political manifisto by peeing on a subway platform, hoping that the acidic content of my gin-soaked urine would burn a testament to my genius that every illegal immigrant who uses public transportation in my fair city could take back to their home countries and share with their families. But then I found out that they couldn't read script. Then this guy told me that this other guy Al Gore invented something called the Inter-Net, and that it was a good place to look at pictures of nude ladies. But then, I thought "Why shouldn't this great technology be used for the Benefit and Education of Mankind". Then this same guy told me the next week that this lady Ariana Huffington invented something called Blog-ing. Suspicious of her foreign accent, I endeavored to find out more. It turns out that Ariana Huffington is the rich daughter of a rich shipping magnate who likes surfing political bandwagons and doing blow with Bill Mahr. She (thankfully) is not one of the nude ladies on the internet. But she did have a good idea. Let the blog-urine flow.